There are times in my life when I get very annoyed with myself – disappointed. I am not what I wish to be and I get frustrated and very annoyed with myself. Sometimes when I am this way it coincides with times that I find particularly difficult – this is one of those times. I am down… and I am sad. Some would call this depression and perhaps it is. I don’t really know I suppose. Or perhaps I do and I just don’t want to admit it to myself.
This is the week when seven years ago a most important person in my life died. It unsettles me every year. It is almost as though a part of me dies every year. I will spend some time with her again this week, but it is never the same as when she was still here.
I hate this time of year – it is always a sad time. I remember you and I smile – but it is still so very sad. I find myself thinking of you in ever growing regularity during this terrible week each year and I am always glad I was found in a place where we were able to meet and that for a time I was able to walk into and within your world. I remember your smile, I remember your glow – I remember everything about you. You are engraved in my mind and in my heart and in my life – an indelible moment & a transient presence, for you were gone too soon – yet never forgotten or hidden from view. I miss you and I always will. I am drawn to you with every passing moment and so wish you were still here with us. I miss you so much.